how to forgive yourself:
you make the mistake.
fall, fumble, tear the sheets, drop the ball, break the heart, screw up, mess up, fuck up.
feel the pain, feel your heart slow down and the elephant as it comes to rest on your chest, fall into bed and curl into yourself and let your tears fall onto your pillow.
roll out of bed, drag the sheets, wear them like a shawl, make a hot cup of something soothing, wolf it down, burn your tongue, go for a walk, make yourself sweat, shower it off.
dry yourself off, wash the dirty towels, separate your whites when you do the laundry, fix the bed, clean up after yourself, look at yourself in the mirror, let your eyes fill with tears because you know they won’t flow.
say sorry to your reflection, once, twice, thrice, over and over again, and then turn away.