#Day 551: A Clumsy War

It was at the cusp of battle that I sat down and thought, am I fighting the correct wars? The armour I wore was as irrelevant as a summer romance in the winter peak. It didn’t save me from the madness within, it couldn’t stop Cupid from shooting me through. But it did stop one thing, it did. It stopped me from feeling your heart beat next to mine, and the comfort and it was all gone before I knew what to say.

This was not what I had picked up the swords for, this was not what I had thought of when you and I had first met down the beach. The waves still break at my feet every time I turn around, the breeze still ruffles my hair. The chills still set my heart in a pace only you could bring. But the shore is a monster waiting to pull me back and the sea side, a demon, dragging me back to the warmth of your embrace. Your soul was ice and I should’ve known, you’d freeze Hell over within a kiss. I’d lie if I said, but I wish it was the truth, that I never tried to thaw your heart. She broke you and I was not enough to fix you. Karma chose to not go back around but instead take more down with it. And it was my heart that broke this time.

The wars I fought before you were as irrelevant as pale mornings and rotten coffee, our fight lasted longer than I thought it would. Was it worth the effort? I’ll never know. The veins still ran and my love still chased, but it was a race that had been lost way before the shots were fired.

I had loved you through smooth tides, the rough storms, the solstice, the equinox, I had loved you with all the time and space I could.  But it was a clumsy love. Messy and broken. There were cracks in you no ocean could fill. We were an incomplete puzzle and I knew this the moment I put my sword down.

 

I shed my shield, my armour and waded into the shallow water. It soaked the hollows in my soul, the bits you had taken with you. I was done fighting this clumsy war. We were too young to be shedding blood, too young to have known barren land. But I promise one thing, if ever you choose to swim ashore, I’ll pull up, brush you down and watch you be whole again. I may not love you like I did, but I will always heal your scars as well as I can.

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